So I got chased by a Spider in one of those park washrooms
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I saw him first, which gave me the advantage, but I froze
I’ve been calling myself a writer forever, even when I didn’t write, so now I’m just going to go ahead and call myself a comedian and see what happens
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Remember when you were little and you’d watch a movie or a TV show or read a book and then you and your friends would act out the good parts? I say let’s not grow out of this
Most of my skills are outdated but I can still swear like a drunken sailor and run like a mother-fucker unless it’s the other way around
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It’s okay. I looked it up and contrary to what you might think, it’s okay to say mother-fucker. It’s perfectly fine. Please pass it on.
If you want me to be cordial, please pass me one because I’m feeling a little antonymy today
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This morning when the sun was barely up I skimmed through an article on Medium that said I should google myself – and because I started my day perfectly willing and nicely agreeable – that’s exactly what I did
I think spellcheck has been hanging out with urban dictionary, because it’s a lot less fuckle than it used to be
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I am writing this from the quiet zone on the GO Train and you’ll never guess what somebody just said to me
At first I thought I was channeling Marlon Brando, but now I’m pretty sure I’m channeling Tequila Sunrises
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I have been reading A Streetcar Named Desire again, Stella, and there’s never been a truer Stanley than Marlon Brando, gulp
Do you think flower-coaching can be a real thing?
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Because although it’s a short-lived endeavour – I seem to be pretty good at it
The problem with microdosing is that before too long you want another microdose
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And I’m not talking about LSD or any other psychedelic acronym. As I’ve already said, no more of that for me thank you, but I’ll have another holiday, please, and make it a double. Also, on the double as in tout de suite, or even tout de smallish room as long as there’s a view
So now I can read minds
I don’t know how long this will take to read. It depends on how you are with near-lethal blasts of nostalgia, but since one person’s nostalgia is another person’s nonsense, you might be out of here in no time
I think I sprained my eyes last night
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Do you remember when you used to make faces and your mom said if you didn’t stop, your face would stay that way? Well maybe it finally caught up with me because I’ve noticed lately that I’m a bit googley-eyed (fuck off spellcheck)
#19 / This is not a new feeling, but it’s rare, especially without tequila
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I have been a treading lightly kind of girl all along, mostly anyway, and I’m not sure if it’s the new coffee or the bodysuits or the blooming Irises out back or what – but it’s making me gallant, game, gritty and gutsy – which is what happens when you thesaurus.com/
a force to be reckoned with
#18.5 / One small vowel makes the difference between being goosed all day and being goosed only occasionally
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So I said I wanted one of those bodysuit things. She must have heard me wrong because I discovered this morning, and too late, that it’s one of those bodysuit thongs
#18 / My trippy triptych of days edging up to the summer solstice
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I hope you are not on holiday but if you are, it might be a good idea to get out the board games, because I have been rain dancing. As I mentioned in my last post, I am assisting photographer Asa Mathat at this year’s ideacity conference and a cloudy sky means I just might be able to cope.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger and other mostly incorrect idioms
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A little more pithy than usual
#17 / At the risk of sounding like you-know-who, some of my favourite things
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It’s raining in a nice way. Which is pretty easy to say from inside the house, looking into the backyard, where birds are hoppy and swoopy (autocorrect tried to get me to say happy and swanky but I’m standing firm), the grass is neon, and the evenings are stretching toward the solstice.
#16 / My shopping behaviour is either whimsical, or a result of the malt whiskey which has been in my system since birth
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Sometimes I come to – as in enter consciousness – during a meeting, or at the very end of one, and my mind is completely, perfectly, and utterly blank. Nothing that’s been said has even gone in one ear.
#15 / Thank you for your divided attention
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Why is everyone on this entire train pretending it’s fall?
