this is not my beautiful house

So I had a Yawneureka! moment

So I had a Yawneureka! moment

I am an optimist of the rose-coloured-glasses-half-full variety and I’m not one to question a eureka moment, except I think this one may be a case of mistaken identity

But first, I pulled a muscle in my throat when I yawned.

There was a very quiet moment during which the possibility of turning inside-out due to yawn diameter was of some concern, and then I actually heard the muscle pull in a sort of springyfizzle and it’s been weirdly killing me since, especially last night when I was drinking that sour beer like there was no tomorrow, which was a complete misconception anyway because it’s tomorrow now, as in today, unless of course it’s just another case of mistaken identity.

I do know that it’s a lovely August Friday and I’m writing a blog about the eureka idea that popped along with the fizzle when I yawned so severely yesterday


I knew something was up even before the Yawneureka. In fact I was going to write this blog exactly about that something and it was going to start with this:

Why is everybody suddenly being so helpful?

And it was going to contunue like this: The universe must have been watching when I stumbled into the self-help section at Chapters on Saturday and although I quickly darted elsewhere, it was too late it seems because by then the universe had gone ahead and informed all media, coworkers, friends, fiends, and even the sky writing guy – who thankfully got my name wrong – that I was looking for help.

Medium suddenly suggested 21 Behaviors That Will Make You Brilliant at Creativity & Relationships accompanied by a photograph of Albert Einstein and his tongue, The Bay thinks I could use a new pair of shoes (I agree wholeheartedly), the GO train wants me to go to the Ex (for lunch I hope), and some poor guy who thinks my name is Beather wants to marry me.

All the attention was getting to me and then the Yawneureka! happened and nothing’s been the same since

Now I am busy writing exactly 60 second synopses of the 30 feeling funny blogs I’ve written so far.

I am distilling each blog into a mini stand-up routine and when I’m done all 30 I will have a good half hour of material and also hopefully a half hour of good material and don’t ask me what then, because I don’t know yet, but I might just have to coin another phrase to explain it.

And the phrase will basically be a synopsis of what the hell have I got myself into now

Too bad the universe wasn’t watching when I went to the How To Be Too Rich And Too Thin section, or maybe just the Too Rich section because have you seen Celine Dion lately?

And if you really want to help, universe, bring back pantyhose because by the time I’m finished 30 feeling funny onesies and finally get under the spotlight, I’ll probably need the full-body issue

They’re starting to get the Ex ready and it gives me butterflies mostly, and some dragons

They’re starting to get the Ex ready and it gives me butterflies mostly, and some dragons

So I got chased by a Spider in one of those park washrooms

So I got chased by a Spider in one of those park washrooms