So I got chased by a Spider in one of those park washrooms
I saw him first, which gave me the advantage, but I froze
I am writing this early Tuesday morning. The fan is on and my hair is all messy and moving and soon as I start thinking about that spider, I get all suspicious as if the hair that’s bouncing off my sunburned forehead is actually daddy long legs legs. Also I feel him traipsing the back of my arm and a second later I feel him resting on my foot. And he maybe just showed up on the frame of my glasses, but only for a slice of a second though because I just sent them across the room like I’m Babe Ruth or somebody and they (the glasses), and presumably him (the spider), landed in with the plants on the window sill. Good thing I don’t need those stupid glasses anyway.
Zo ,ram easy happy stryjru smuesu/
My mother used to high-pitch blood-curdle scream at spiders but not me. I man-scream. Which is really more of a shout/grunt – a sound similar to an elephant if you like – and knowing you, you probably do.
I bet the women in the washroom were surprised to see me fly out of that stall and leap over them. They probably thought I was wildlife or maybe a large bird
I was perfectly willing to ignore him at first. I saw him down by my feet, but in spite of his lack of regard for my personal space, I did not squish him which I would have done in a second at home. But I am a fair person and this was his turf, sort of, and although I was not terrified, I made great haste in there, and when I was almost done I side-step-shuffled and then backed away slowly and carefully and that’s when he followed my lead. I had to execute a turn, which I did rather elegantly I think especially under the circumstances, and he actually spun around too, like a coin on a table if you know what I mean, and waited for my next move.
That’s when I panicked and grunt-screamed and yanked that door open and leapt
Then I ran full-tilt for a while, slowed to a jog, and when I remembered my bike, I casually returned and once I established with absolute certainty that it was passenger-free, I rode away and eventually stopped looking behind me to see if I was being followed.
I’ve been on high-spider-alert ever since and it’s getting on everybody’s nerves. I told the cat she’d better start earning her keep.
I even found an old HB pencil and drew her a few pictures so she’d know what to look for but she was too worried about the wobbling pink eraser and didn’t pay much attention
I’ve got a stick that I wield like a sword when I go into the back yard so that I don’t have to break any webs with my torso or face or any other part of me and come face to face with a spider which I did twice in quick succession before I found my stick and started wildly fencing.
I am Zorro except with an S
Daisy probably thinks I’m going through some sort of withdrawal. She’s looking at me like she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She is barely able to hold a smirk. I think she’s worrying about her future, as in whether I’ll remember to feed her.