I cut my hair. It’s rad. Want me to do yours?
Just came back from a walk and can’t put my glasses on to type because of a sweaty forehead but what the duck. Who feeds en!
Enter June
It’s windy and cool and blue and green and we’re all woke right the fuck up and trying to swallow what happened to George Floyd
I don’t see how my glass being half full makes me an optimist
Au contraire, motherfuckers. Top me up!
Fuck Moderation. It’s my new isolation motto. Hope you like it
[ 2 minute read ]
I thought a little self-improvement might be helpful, you know, so I put the fork down, gave myself some eyebrows, put in little silver earrings, thought about brushing my hair, and went for a walk. My neighbour said I looked tired. You’ll never guess where I hid the body
I had noise for breakfast with a side of plaid. How ’bout you?
This post is not about intermittent fasting although I am considering giving it a whirl between 10 at night and six in the morning starting tomorrow, which according to the latest conspiracy theory, might actually come
Pour Me A Grape
[ 2 minute read ]
People are loyal to their misquotations. After all, there’s no “i” in denial
The New Chic
[ 2 minute read ]
I have shredded wheat eyebrows, a disregard for cleanliness, no concern for what matches, a new tic, and my latest hair style is the don’t-give-a-fuck-doo which I totally invented. It’s so me!
How many horses walk into a bar where there’s no lightbulb does it take to knock knock
And other cultural irrelevancies
[ 1 minute read ]
Careful What You Wish For
Like fucking seriously
The Birds
[ two minute read ]
I think it’s nice they’re back even if they are overdoing it a little
Social Distancing Tips from a Pro
[ 2 minute read ]
It’s a cinch. Just follow my lead
Patience Zero
HolyFuckingShit
So I bought a dress
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I can’t remember the last time I bought one, but I remember taking it to Value Village sometime last year, tags still dangling. I think it had been twirling in my closet for at least a decade, although that’s a misleading image I gave you there because nothing actually twirls in my closet. Fuck no. Everything’s jammed together, including the seasons
The Ideas of March
[ 2 or 3 minute read ]
Beware. Vowels are wierd. As are cnsnnts. Put an i in pens and you get something else entirely. Take an o from poop and it only goes pop which reminds me of that here I sit broken hearted little shitty and it was spellcheck’s idea to call it that btw. And substituting a consonant for a vowel is another hot one which also has nothing to do with what I’m talking about toddy
Perfectionists Untie!
[ 2 minute read ]
The biggest irony of all is that perfectionists are imperfect and if that doesn’t completely upend them I have some other suggestions that might
Hello equal and opposite
[ 2 minute read ]
Procrastination, like consequence, seems like a bad word. But the upside of procrastination is self-care and the upside of consequence is results. So there. And there
Add another mind-fuck to the list
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Do you remember when Captain Kirk said “everything I say is a lie”? That was my first mind-fuck moment. Super-vision is the most recent. I feel like I just woke up from a coma
We have art so that we will not die of reality, Nietzsche said
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And to that I would like to add the following: We have decreasing ocular ability so that we will not die of mirrors
