If I listened to the old adage “If you can’t say anything nice...” what would you be doing right now?
If for every action – I think this one’s more than an adage – there is an equal and opposite reaction, does that mean you’re going to write this blog? Because me? I just can’t say anything nice today so maybe I’ll write this in CODE which isn’t, BTW, AFA.
The AFA – Another Fucking Acronym – came from my friend Paul, GRHS, which is a weird acronym for an atheist but there you go
I’m going to talk about word substitution in this blog – also acronyms which are essentially the same – but not abbrevs which are annoying, lazy and lacking structure but again, there you go. Also I have a fetching little cocaine story I’d like to share with you, but first let me mention the importance of getting your acronyms correct as in not transposing the letters because otherwise nobody will be able to figure them out and you will be misunderstood or ignored.
It’s like crying wolf when you get YAW – Your Acronyms Wrong – keep up!
It’s 7am and I’m on the very breezy GO train platform early for my train because I was late for the other one and it’s cool and grey and gorgeous out here. Of course I am sleeveless, sandalled, sunglassed and slightly shivery.
Everybody else – clearly more practical than me and also better informed – is all jacketed up
Most are suited up every day so they probably feel great today because it must be awful in those suits when it’s a normal August day during the Exhibition-dog-days. Also these people are pudgier (that’s an autocorrect and I can’t remember what it was originally meant to be so if you wouldn’t mind, in the theme of this blog, just please sub something else for it thanks) than my usual 9:30 crowd who mosey and circle without the impatience and sharp brows of these guys and I don’t mind saying these guys seem a little scary to me maybe because it’s so early but there’s probably more to it than that.
I’m an early bird after all and if Daisy and her cohort don’t alarm me, these guys shouldn’t either. But they do. Give me brooding guy any day
I’m going to work early because I’ve got three campaigns to come up with and so much to do all of a sudden that if I don’t go in early I won’t be able to go to the City Hall market for lunch with my sister so it’s all in the name of ripe peaches, the last few strawberries of the summer, fat and flavourful tomatoes, green and hello beans, ginger cookies, and catching up.
Both people facing me in my little train foursome are doing the open mouth sleep thing which pretty much guarantees I’ll concentrate in an exclusive kind of way and probably finish this blog by the time I get to work even though I am single-fingering it on my iphone (hence the acronyms). Thursdays the laptop stays home because all the fruit and vegetables I say I won’t buy but always do, are very heavy and how’s a girl to flee through the GO parking lot ahead of the pack AKA in First Place if her bag is Tchaikovsky, which happened when I tried to say too heavy.
BUT I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT substitutions and I mean talk, not holler, but the caps key on the phone is sensitive today just like me
I used to be able to sub in words that made it not seem like my nose was full of cocaine. Try it next time you have a cold. Not cocaine – that would just be stupid – try to not use words with m n and those other dead-giveaways and stick to vowels mostly and nice consonants such as c and s and g and r and you’ll be fide. Or actually you’ll be okay.
See what I did there?
Of course you’ll likely need the cocaine so you can actually perform the necessary substitutions in the first place – it’s frantic like improv and without the laughs – but I do not recommend this drug at all ever and besides that was a long time ago when things were pure and most everybody had a septum.
But you could try this one thing
Whenever you feel like using words such as empower, empowered or empowering, especially when you are talking about yourself, please try the substitution tactic. You might want to say I feel good, for instance, instead of I feel empowered.
I mean imagine how silly James Brown would have sounded if he’d said I feel empowered
My sensitivity towards this word – and it’s like chewing tinfoil – is because the company I work for uses it in their new tagline (my suggestions were way better BTW) and this word is everywhere as in AOTP and I am STDOI if you CMD.
You can continue using the word empowered and derivatives when you are talking about other people. I am not unreasonable. For instance when it implies giving dignity to others, it’s a good word. If it means giving someone the authority or power to do something, it’s fine. If it makes someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights, it’s peachy. Just please don’t use the word empowered when you’re talking about yourself. If you are, in fact, empowered, good for you! I’m certain I will be able to detect this quality in all that you say and do so back off, or BTFO actually, and leave it to me to determine.