this is not my beautiful house

If butterflies can migrate all the way to Lorem Ipsum, why can’t I even google anything?

If butterflies can migrate all the way to Lorem Ipsum, why can’t I even google anything?

I am a freestyle speculator and pretty good at making up words, but sometimes you need the cold hard facts or you look like a fidiot

I like to alter words sometimes so they swing and swirl on the page in a nice easy way and I pay little heed to sentence structure because I like things casual and floaty and grammar is just a crutch anyway tra-la. I like to make things up – join words together in a riot of syllables that mean something fiendishly simple – and I never tell them my real name at Starbucks either. People at work probably think I keep stealing people’s lattes or maybe they just think I’m Veronica or Joelle or probably just Surly. Also, and I’m sure you’ll agree with me, there is a shortage of good cuss words, and since I am a problem-solver by nature, I make up my own. Some of them are catchy that’s for sure, because I hear my kids utter them sometimes and am weirdly falttered which autocorrect didn’t know what to do with tra-la.

There ought to be a swear word suggestion box somewhere, and one pretty steely person to manage the intake. Where do I apply?

Also I am good at nick names and have one for practically everybody. If you would like to know yours, steel-up and pm me whatever that means. This particular talent, the nick-naming one I mean, comes from my dad who gave monikers to our neighbours when I was a kid and they were so perfectly fitting, weird, and hilarious, especially Mrs. Webb out back on her way up high porch who he referred to as Withering Heights.

But back to Lorem Ipsum which I use when my brain is going faster than my Usain Boltish wpm typing and then I go back when the whirlwind is over and, you know, get specific. Usually.

btw funny last name for the fastest guy in the world. What if his name was Walker?

When I used to ask my mother a question, instead of giving me the answer, she’d say You tell me and I’ll tell you – which was meant to encourage me to research which back then meant the dictionary or encyclopedia – but it backfired and encouraged me to take wild guesses instead.

And now I have trouble asking for answers or advice in general and directions in particular because wild guesses are what I do

But if you need directions, especially if time isn’t even close to being of the essence, I’m your girl. I will give you the lowdown. You can trust me to deliver detailed directions that I’m almost certain of, throw in a location or two for great coffee or beef bourguignon if that’s your bent, mention a farm where you can pick all the eight foot high sunflowers you want for free, throw in an anecdote or two, and off you go to your Auntie Myrtle’s I hope. Or maybe somebody else’s Auntie Myrtle’s but you’ll have an excellent time getting there all full of confidence and coffee.

It’s Saturday morning now and I’m writing this at first light while staring out a great big window into the backyard which is all branches and swoops of cedar and man, it’s gorgeous. There’s a lot of movement and the way the light is growing is beautiful and spooky together and now I can see little flecks of sky, shards of leaves, and now it’s over.

Well done, world

For the first time in 25 years, I was mostly indifferent on the first day of school last week, although there were some things I felt which rendered the indifference almost invalid in a way, but still, follow me for a minute here. So anniversaries come and go and milestones get replaced by new goals and all that, people also come and go but there comes a time when you stop thinking “old Lorem Ipsum would have been 117 today” doesn’t there, and people and events just kind of shift from the present into the past and it’s not that you stop feeling – or remembering – you just don’t keep track of it so much any more.

But there are things you don’t want to get indifferent about. Like love and your favourite songs and strawberries and sunrises. And in a world where you can get anything you want any time you like – lucky us – keeping the passion fresh is a tricky business isn’t it? I think it’s about not always indulging and indulging with gusto when you do.

After all, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder doesn’t it?

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I try to look attentive and engaged in meetings when all I am really doing is looking at my floaters

I try to look attentive and engaged in meetings when all I am really doing is looking at my floaters

Nashville hot chicken at the Ex makes me forget everything, including not to swoon in public

Nashville hot chicken at the Ex makes me forget everything, including not to swoon in public