this is not my beautiful house

If you are as old as you feel, I am 210, and that’s rounding down

If you are as old as you feel, I am 210, and that’s rounding down

I was a little worried about the two moons that nobody was talking about and then I went to the eye doctor who told me I have cataracts, just like your grandpa

I plan to take up macrame during my recovery period, and rent a parrot for company, although my plans are still flexible because I’m on a waiting list, so I’m not ruling anything out including spellcheck’s suggestion that I take up macaroni instead which also sounds nice.

Or maybe I’ll just sit and nibble melba toast and marmite with your grandpa

I guess my early-morning weather report for the next little while will be that it’s dark – which has nothing to do with cataracts – it’s just the way the planets are spinning this time of year. But I love the quietly dark hours when I get up these days. They feel sort of twinkly – which might have something to do with cataracts – and extra if you know what I mean which would be totally surprising since I’m not sure I even know except that they feel like a gift or an offering maybe is more accurate because you have to actively take what these hours offer.

The clocks will be falling forward soon so it’s even better because it’s for a limited time only.

All I see in the window is my looming reflection(s), plural due to the cataracts I hope, because otherwise I am piggybacking a ghost

I learned the following quote when I was barely 20 and like many of the quotes I read when I was barely twenty, I remember them perfectly but do not always remember who said what and googling these things opens a great big beautiful heavy door that I can’t close for hours so I’ll figure it out when I’m finished here.

“Thank Heaven, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it.”

I am looking forward to some inside weather so that I can stay put and work at coaxing onto the page the sentences that are looming at the back of my mind, and spend time further kneading the other ideas I’m working on, and also dream up a few things to make you laugh.

I believe all these things are in the air all the time to begin with and it’s just slightly more lucrative if you tinker with the air when it’s a little dark, or a little stormy, or maybe just a little different as in when the planets are spinning into a new season or when you’re just kind of feeling ripe for something.

Here’s something to think about next time you’re tinkering…

Last weekend my oldest daughter came over looking gorgeous in a jumpsuit I practically lost my mind over so I ordered one for myself and it arrived at work on Friday and I managed to not take it into the washroom and change but you know what I did the minute I got home.

I am of average build width-wise, and very tall. I acknowledge the possibility that my height grants me a false sense of width-average-ness and that I may be very, very slightly, slightly larger than average if you know what I mean as in not a waif but perfectly, perfectly fine.

I ordered a size large so that I could wear sweaters under it, you know, maybe leggings too, and enjoy the cozy roominess, but I’ll be lucky if I can get on a pair of underwear it’s so tight

Had I been in a fitting room (bad name) I would have peeled it off and surrendered but I’d looked so forward to this jumpsuit, and returns are a hassle even when they’re free, so I took it off and hung it up and said to myself that on Monday it will fit.

In the mean time, I didn’t think too much about it but it was in my head. Also in the mean time I went to get shoes that would be a nice match because the ones I always wear are worn out because, well, I always wear them.

I knew what I wanted and went and tried them on in my usual size, a 10, but they were too big. I asked for a 9.5 which also seemed too big. While still in the 9.5 stage, I saw another pair, basically the same except with flowers, and I tried them on, too, but decided to go with the originals in a size 9 which I haven’t been since I memorized all those quotes.

Regret set in soon as I got home or maybe even a little earlier, not about the design so much, but about the size which was too small as in killing both my big toes or biggest toes I should say because they’re all pretty big

Anyway I took them back, the shoes I mean, and the size 9.5 were all gone except for with flowers, so that’s what I got.

I realized then that you can’t change some things – like your bone structure, or your cataracts, or your grandpa – no matter how hard you work at it or how hard you think at it.

But today my jumpsuit fits although I did not – at least wittingly – change my eating or exercise habits so you can see right there what ideas can do.

I hope you spend some time tinkering with this new cool air and grabbing hold of some ideas because there’s tons of them once you start looking and you can do whatever you want with them in the name of self-expression because you have only yourself to please

Thank Heaven, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it. – Logan Pearsall Smith

Also, I am my real age again except at night when oncoming cars look like galaxies

 All this thankfulness is getting out of control. Fuck off already

All this thankfulness is getting out of control. Fuck off already

If G is for Groovy, I am forEezing

If G is for Groovy, I am forEezing