this is not my beautiful house

#4 / Crowds are for the birds

#4 / Crowds are for the birds

I live in the Scarborough Bluffs, an area that I discourage you from visiting due to everyone who is already visiting. As soon as BlogTO says something about your area being an undiscovered gem for all kinds of things that you used to have to drive 1.5 hours due north to experience, it’s over.

When we first moved here, and the kids were little, it was glorious. It was like being at the cottage all the time. We even had a private beach, or at least that’s the way it felt. I guess everyone else believed the urban legend about Lake Ontario having the perfect chemistry in which to develop film, the scardy cats.

Did I mention I can see through my eyelids?

Our street was quiet like Macomb County and you could garden whenever you wanted, with or without shorts, and you’d never have to worry. It’s a dead end street, which should really be called something else (coming to a FrivoList near you!) because when the road stops, the bluffs begin, and it’s the opposite of dead and end. Our street used to dangle there all sweet and neglected, kids roared around on bicycles and go-carts, and baseball and hockey games were conducted in the middle of the road, all year round.

But that was then.

These days the traffic is stupid, as are the drivers, and no matter how many times the cops wave them down, they seem to think the waving is a welcoming gesture because they just keep on coming, and so do their friends. They park right in front of my house which might not be illegal, but is certainly frowned upon, by me for one.

In an effort to reverse popularity, which sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow made up, I am listing the perils of this area to remind you that it is Scarberia after all, where the apples are mostly bad just like the LSD.

Some of the ways you might have a lousy time here

High Gravity
There is an excess of gravity in this area, it seems, because everybody’s jeans sit very low. Also erosion aka look out below!

Low Life
When we were kids, we used to climb the bluffs all the time and there were roots to hang on to and lots of bird holes which fit sneaker-toes perfectly. Not any more.

Fully Loaded Sand Castles
You never know what you’ll find in the sand. Steel toes recommended.

Ice Cream Trucks
It’s not cold and it never melts.

Bees are only half the problem. You should see the birds.

Canada Geese
They are rude, prodding, annoying, actual rodents who goose you for kicks. Also their poo.

Water Quality
Now you can develop entire children it appears.

Unsavoury Characters
Not only that, they are noisy like parades.

Peace and Quiet
No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Luckily, I was able to find an old photograph, and a brand new one, which I think makes my point pretty clearly.

Screen Shot 2019-04-17 at 3.23.39 PM.png

If I knew how to really social media, I’d get the word out alright, and maybe we’d get our cottage back.

Have a Good Friday, everyone.

A Place on the Lake

A Place on the Lake

Brave New Words

Brave New Words